We'll lay in bags as dead as leaves

so this is the last time i will be using this lj...

its now "bravely_wounded" which is what i think im going to keep it as.

just notifying everyone to add me as that

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 19...
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine...

I think im going to die in the next few days. I WISH that i would. Why cant i have a normal existance? normal relationships? Normal love, normal everything?

It always falls apart. Always. Life, love, none of it ever lasts. And i just dont know what to do. i love you, but you're leaving me again. AGAIN. like you always do. You walk out the door, and you dont look back... at least not for a while. Then you think of me, and you come back. And i am always glad to have you there. But i am in so much pain. And you wont even hold me a little while. I dont know anymore. I think im going to throw up.

i cant believe what's happened to me today. I CANT. this is the worst day of my life. And i dont know what i am supossed to do. Damn.

this day has been rough as hell. Im going to just have to chill out and try to stop spazzing out. im tired.

carla

Well, Justin leaves for MOS tomrrow. Probably won't get to see him at all for the next 5 weeks. I know it's a lot easier than bootcamp, and easier than him being deployed, but i'm still sad. And i will still miss him. We do everything together, and he's my lifeline... I'm going to be a little bewildered... :(

But this will give me some time to spend with my family and my friends which i have missed greatly so,,, lunch time guys, leaving with these parting lyrics-

"If You're Not The One"

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know whatthe future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

Mmmm Talapia for dinner! Cooking with my justin... it's realitivly calm here... im waiting for him to leave to go to MOS school in jacksonville for 5 weeks... :( Im gonna be sad, but... i guess i knew i would have to deal with him leaving me a lot when we got together. And we can make it work. Like he told me the other night, we belong together. I'll miss him a lot though. But hey, at least when i get the chance i can come see him on weekends... It's not the hell that bootcamp was. Thankgod.

Okay so dinner time. Yes! Im hungry!

Another night of cooking with the Creeds... hehe :D

Omg... wow... how long has it been? Too long, maybe. Im thinking of just getting a new lj alltogether... that will amke it my #4 haha... damn, to think that all those memories have been erased when i could have just kept them with me... oh well. Sometimes those things have to happen.

On the note that i wanted to post,

Im getting married!

To my Marine, Justin Creed.

OohRah.

<3

HOLY SHIT

its been a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggg time since i have done anyhting in this livejournal~

i got a tattoo, bailed someone out of jail, got a D'd a few times, and so much more crazy stuff haas happened to me in the time span of almost one month since i have written in this lj!

and i dont have too much to say here anyhow so im gonna go get a shower (im at chris's! its a longgggggggggg story haha)

peace, fools.

Im so happy.

Things are getting better.

Ive got a secret!

:D

I did it

AGAIN

I got fucked over and its my fault

AGAIN

now i have to mend a broken heart

AGAIN

and cry myself to sleep

AGAIN

and wonder if im ever going to find love

AGAIN

because i know this is only going to happen

AGAIN